Contentment: Feeling or State of Being?

Daily contentment. What does that look like for you? Does it involve tackling a long to do list? Is it attending all your meetings and scheduled sit downs with clients? Does it mean finishing all the daily chores of the household for the week? Does it mean you finally accomplished the goal(s) you had for the week or month? The truth is for every one of us contentment can be defined and perceived differently. Depending on the season of life you find yourself in, contentment could seem achievable or it could seem like a distant hope. As I have pondered the question of what contentment looks like for me, I have also had to ask: How will I know when I have achieved contentment? Is it something that I will feel in a moment? Is contentment meant to be a state of living? As you can see there are many questions that one can ask surrounding this idea of being content. I’m no expert. However, I can’t help but want to dive in deeper to what it means to live in a place of contentment.

In my current season, it has been rather difficult to find meaning and find a sense of purpose in the day-to-day. I can often feel trapped in needing to check things off my daily to-do list while still taking time to rest and still be able to get together with people and socialize. I often feel as though I need to have had accomplished something significant, in order to be content, and therefore satisfied with my day. It made me realize that I am not living in a state of contentment rather trying to feel like I can be content.

If contentment comes from having to have accomplished something great than it is no wonder that many of us haven’t arrived to this place of contentment. How can one be content if one is constantly having to strive to meet other goals and standards in order to feel like one has permission to be content?

The truth is whether you are a stay-at-home mom, a student, some one who is a professional in their field or a young adult searching for their next place to land, we all need to have a sense of purpose and a sense of fulfillment. What happens though when we don’t accomplish what we set out to do for the week or for the day? Can we still be content? Notice how I didn’t say feel. What I am realizing in this season is that contentment is not a feeling. It is a state of being.

Similar to the attitude of gratitude, we can all choose to live in a state of contentment. We can choose to be thankful and see purpose in the little things as well as in the big achievements we accomplish in our lives. We can be content in times of rest and in times of joy and celebration, and even still in times of deep sorrow or confusion. Why?

Contentment comes from making the daily choice to believe that there is a bigger picture than what we can see in front of us. It is a choice to look beyond the circumstances and see the possibilities for good to come out of bad situations.

It does not mean we need to fake a state of happiness or act as if we are exactly where we wish to be. It is remaining diligent where we are and continually seeking improvement. It is choosing to fix our eyes on strengths rather than the weaknesses. It is choosing to remain constantly grateful for what we have and maintaining faithfulness on the journey.

If you believe in God, Philipians 4:12-13 gives us the secret to the how part of being content;

“12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (emphasis mine)

The secret for those who want to remain content is to remember that it is not in our own strength, but by the power of Christ who lives in us that makes it possible for us to be content in all circumstances. God will never leave us so we can always trust that He has the bigger picture in mind. We must take time to be thankful and live in the place of gratitude while circumstances are being worked out to show His strength.  We can also ask for his strength in times of discouragement, confusion, and/or loss. He is always willing to help us.

I end by encouraging/challenging you (as I too challenge myself) to take time this week to remind yourself that you can remain in a state of contentment as you choose to fix your focus to being thankful for what you are accomplishing right now, and what you have currently, instead of focusing on what you still have yet to attain or achieve. There is nothing wrong in having a plan for the future and living in anticipation for greater things. However, let us not lose sight of what is currently happening in the season we are in and the transformation that is already in forward motion.

C.M

No Longer Bound

I am sitting here contemplating tomorrow’s lecture on Sexual abuse in my Child and Youth Family Violence class, understanding that disturbing details and a clear depiction will be shown. The topic of sexual abuse, at one point in my life, would have kept me completely paralyzed as I would have to try hard not to recall any memories of the incidents. I would have hid my face and cried silently alone. Thankfully, today I can say that I am not afraid to face tomorrow. This is because I see myself as a conqueror, not a victim.

Sexual abuse is not a topic that gets applause. The reality is that there are many perpetrators of sexual abuse. This makes my stomach churn. The innocence that has been plucked from many children’s lives is absolutely unacceptable. It truly causes a righteous anger inside my soul to brew against the wickedness that lies within people. Some days it is hard to know that I can live free where other people, who are being sexually abused, are living with a huge secret.

I remember a time when I was coming into adulthood where my purity, and my body was violated. The violation can only be described as a personal betrayal that shook my core, broke me to the place where I needed Christ to save me from the darkness within me. I would struggle to not self-harm. I never had the courage to actually go through with it, but I remember vividly, inside I was self-destructing. I could no longer look at myself. I saw myself as vile, not significant to anyone. As I recall, the emotions that I felt all through that season in my life were stormy but genuine. I was in crisis. I needed someone. Anyone. I had a secret. However, even what was done in hiding could not be hidden from the one who knows all. Someone knew…

Jesus Christ knew and He came to my rescue and I owe him my life. He took my self-hatred, and my self-abuse, and over time he transformed my life. He was taking every piece and using every bit of the ugliness to inspire others to speak out. Sexual abuse is unimaginable to those who have not experienced it. Truth is even those who weren’t assaulted or taken advantage of understand the implications of sexual abuse. It affects so much more than just one’s body. It can act like a stronghold. You feel as though you are chained to the identity of an abuse victim and can never escape it.

Truth is I know now that I never have to be weighted down because of the abuse I endured. Christ took my chains and He broke them. I am not bound to my past and to what happened to me. I am grateful. I am a new, vibrant young woman who is strong and living my life in boldness. Because of God’s love for me, my past and the sexual abuse is a testimony not a tragedy. I can live each day knowing that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Tomorrow’s class content will be hard to swallow. It is a cruel reality that I must be prepared for as I enter into the field of Child and Youth Work. However, I carry a hope with me. My personal story can hopefully inspire others to not be bound by the chains of shame and brokenness that come from being at the end of sexual abuse. I pray that as I live my life, people around me see that despite my struggles, I am not held back by them. I will boldly proclaim that Christ has liberated me from the world’s cruel, twisted schemes. I am free. I am loved. I am no longer bound.

C.M.

Dreaming Beyond Oneself

As part of an assignment for school, I have been asked to come up with 3 SMART goals that I am hoping to achieve by the end of my placement. I thought this to be a simple task until I started to think about it and attempt to write a few. Before long, I realized that any person can make a goal that is within their comfort zone. How many times do we make goals that are easily within our reach just so we don’t have to deal with the disappointment that comes from not reaching one’s set goals? Is this the right way to approach goal setting?

Through my relationship with God, I have come to understand that there are just some things that are beyond my reach in my own strength, knowledge, and ability. We all have comfort zones for a reason. They are places of contentment. These places keep us feeling good about where we are at. They showcase what we have accomplished and what we are able to accomplish. These are zones that we can set goals within and know that there is a great chance of reaching them successfully.

When we dream, we often reach just past the boundaries of our comfort zone. We stay within what we believe is possible, but maybe not within something that is beyond the lens of our current reality. Hence, we label them dreams, not goals.

A friend of mine recently took an undertaking to run a half marathon. It is within her ability, however, she can attest to the fact that it will not be an easy undertaking. She will have to push herself further, and harder than she ever had to up to this point. She has allowed herself to put a goal outside of her comfort zone and has challenged herself to grow as a person, and expand her limits in order to reach and cross the finish line.

She has inspired me to ask myself, ” Am I dreaming too safe?”

Dreams should be bold. They should seem scary. One might even say they should require more than what we have at the present time. With God, all things are possible. We have I’m sure heard that statement of faith at one point in our lives. For some, we are reminded of it constantly through our own shortcomings. We are reminded we need him to work through us, because he then becomes our strength and gives us what need to accomplish what it is we need to complete. For others, you may have never heard that statement and are asking “What is possible for me to achieve?”

The question I dare to ask all of us is “Do we live that out in the way we dream?”. I dare you as I dare myself: Dream beyond yourself. Tell God your dreams and then be bold enough to ask God to dream for you. See what happens when you are willing to look past yourself and your own capabilities. Have faith to believe what you can’t yet see.

I will end with sharing this song. It has inspired this blog post.

I am no victim. I am an overcomer.

  “I am not a victim. This was not my fault. He cannot hurt me anymore. He will      never take anything from me again. I am more than my struggle. I am not a label.  I   have rights. I will not refuse help. I am not someone who quits. I am more than a  sexual assault victim. I am a leader. I am a mentor. I am a sister. I am a friend. I  AM more than my struggles. I will forgive. I am not a victim. I am an overcomer.” 

  There was a time when these words above would never have been uttered out of my  mouth. I would hear people use them, but certainly they did not apply to me. How  could they define me? They would change their mind when they hear what I have  been hiding, what I can’t seem to forget. There was a time when I could not wake up or do any of the tasks of the day without insecurity and doubt playing over and over in my head, “I cannot do this… I will fail at this…. this is too hard….”

Mental illness is real. The stigma is real. The hope that exists in living with mental illness is real. 

Mental illness is a term that has personally been in the past associated with weakness, judgement, confusion, blame, and pain. It had not been a term that brought anything positive, and to be honest it still doesn’t to this day. It took until my last year of university to come to terms with the fact that I have struggled with mental illness. It does not make me weak or diseased. It means that I have faced my problems head on and have consequently, needed time to heal and recover from my wounds that trauma left behind. It was a label to describe me that was often given by counsellors, teachers, and by my peers. It was my identity for a time. It is now a term in which I see my humanity. I see other people who suffer from mental illness as strong not weak. It takes great strength to live with mental illness. To work through the adversity in life and not give up while facing mental illness takes incredible inner strength, one that I believe goes beyond human understanding for some. Let me explain.

In the beginning, I struggled to hold a secret inside that I believed when unearthed, it would shatter people’s perspective of me. The secret was the fact that I was sexually assaulted and that I was suffering from depression (a common mental illness), and from intense self-hatred (result of the assault). I was broken. I tried tirelessly to not let anyone see it. Struggling to wake up every day and keep pushing through the day’s activities was not my only difficulty. I struggled to deal with the feeling of being weak if I sought help. What would happen if I spoke up? How would people think of me afterwards? These were just a few of the real questions that I struggled with when first approaching the struggle to speak up. The day to day realities were not as difficult to deal with in comparison to the amount of effort it took to hide and pretend that I was not struggling. To struggle is often in society seen as being weak by those who are ignorant. Therefore, I would not dare let people see me as such. Shame was my lonely friend for a time. Until one day, I heard the message of grace being taught in church and my whole life slowly started to be transformed. It was a slow process. I slowly had to begin to strip away the ugly in order to put on the new. I eventually began to let go of the shame and insecurity and release the bitterness that lied deep within my heart. I was able to forgive and move forward with my life. The undeserving favor of God found me and set me free from all that was keeping me bound. I was no longer a victim bound by the shame that held me captive in my mind. I was a child of God who was loved unconditionally. This meant I could be an overcomer, someone who can overcome any obstacle through the help of  a God who overcame death. If you do not believe in God, just know that I do not judge or force my belief. I only state that it is my relationship with God that I believe brought me through the darkness of the depression and helped me see the light of the person I could be by his transforming grace.

I no longer see myself as victim. I can sleep at night without reoccurring nightmares. I rarely experience panic attacks that stem from the memories of that night. With hard work, love and support, I have been healing and I can honestly say that it does not impact my day to day life like it used to. It will always profoundly have an impact, but it no longer is a part of my identity. It does not keep me bound. It is in the past. I experienced freedom from the blame and self-hatred. I am a voice for many who like me have been taken advantage of and left to suffer in silence. I hope my story brings hope and breaks the silence. The truth is God’s love can transform one’s broken life into one of beauty. I am a living testimony of his transforming work.

In conclusion, I will say that living with mental illness and dealing with the stigma behind it has been difficult. However, I have made tremendous progress. With thanks to God, my family and a great support system I can proudly say that I am maintaining a balanced life with high academics, extra-curriculars, travel, and volunteer work as well as balancing mentoring and other hobbies of mine. I have overcome many obstacles, but I truly hope that my narrative showcases not only strength, but also hope. There is hope in living with mental illness and overcoming struggle. Looking back, I can honestly say that I never thought it would be possible to come so far.  I will end with this quote, “Mental health is not a destination but a process. It’s about how you drive, not where you are going (Noam Shpancer).” I have seen this to be true for it is a process to live with mental illness and overcome its obstacles but the reward of every step of victory is worth every dragging step forward.  I am an overcomer and I will continue to overcome. That is who I am now. This is part of my story.